How to Create a Better Bond with Your Dog
Whether you have a new dog that you’re just getting to know, or an established dog that you want to be closer to, you can always improve your bond with your dog.
I’m going to use my service dog, Scout, as an example.
I’ve had Scout for a year, so I’d put him under the “established dog” category. We also have a definite bond: if I leave the room, he goes with me by choice. If something unnerves him, I’m the one he looks to. But lately I’ve noticed that if my husband, Quin, and I are sitting in the same room, he’ll often go to Quin for cuddles; I’d say 50% of the time, and maybe more.
It’s a good thing that he’s bonded with Quin, too, but since I’m the one usually wanting to cuddle with him, I’d like to increase our bond a little bit. There are several ways to do so, and you have to know what your dog likes best and what you’re doing the least (those are two different things, but I’ll explain) to decide what to increase to also increase your bond. But in general, I’m going to suggest one or more of the following:
- Grooming and petting
- Play
- Walking and doing things together
- Training
- Eating together
Let’s break these down a little, with me and Scout as the example.
1. Grooming and petting
This means brushing, massaging, petting, scratching, etc. Any physical touch that your dog enjoys is a good thing. I pet and massage Scout as often as possible, and he likes it, but it’s not something he actively seeks out, so it’s not something I’m going to focus on.
2. Play
Play is anything that involves physical activity and excitement. Of everything Scout is motivated by (food including treats, toys, praise, play), he’s most motivated by play. Quin plays with him daily; they both enjoy it.
I’ll be honest: I’m not great at play. I outgrew my play years a long time ago. I love doing things with my dogs, but I’m not likely to pick up a rope and play tug, or amp up my own energy levels into play/excitement peaks. This is where I should definitely step up; I suspect it’s why Scout is bonding with Quin so well. But this is something I really don’t want to do. So I’m keeping it in the back of my mind as Plan B.
3. Walking and doing things together
Since Scout is my service dog and goes everywhere with me, and I’m a pretty active person, we’re getting lots of this! This includes going for proper walks (where your dog has to pay attention to you as well as the rest of the world, instead of pretty much ignoring you in favor of the rest of the world), play walks (where their attention shifts back and forth and you do fun things on your walks like the crazy walk, or circling light posts, or jumping up on low walls), hikes, going to new places, visiting people/parks/dog friends, and so on. Adventures!
Scout and I do these all the time. I don’t think I could increase these even if I wanted to, though I do think I’ll incorporate more “pretend agility,” as I call it, into our walks. (That would be the play walk mentioned above, and Scouty loves play.)
4. Training
This should be what I think of as “fun training.” My favorite is to tell people to teach their dog tricks. Something entertaining, using positive reinforcement only, and that don’t matter if your dog gets it now or later or at all.
Lately, I’ve been thinking I need to spend some time reinforcing Scout’s service dog tasks, as he’s faltered a few times when I’m in positions we haven’t practiced, so for me this also has a practical purpose. (I don’t like repetition — I get bored very quickly — so this is not actually a strong suit for me.) This is exactly where I’m going to focus, because I’d rather do this than play.
5. Eating together
You often hear that the alpha dog eats first (hint: there is no alpha dog, see my TikTok for a couple of videos on that, or wait for a future post here), but this is a bunch of baloney. Dogs are social eaters, and so one thing you can do to create bonding is to put their bowl down when you eat dinner, and let them eat nearby. (You can let them eat at the table if you like, but they’ll start begging every time you eat there, too.) (They may start begging a little anyway, but if you don’t want to encourage it, place them nearby and not right beside you.)
This is better for bonding between dogs than between dogs and people, but it still creates a subconscious link with humans, even if it’s a weak one. It isn’t strong enough for me to bother doing it with Scout; we’re already bonded better than that.
Conclusion
This got its own header so you all know it’s not part of “eating together.” I know, I’m ridiculous.
If you want to improve your bond with your dog, find the things you’re doing least of and the things your dog likes best, and if those intersect anywhere (like “training” is something I’m not doing much of, and Scout loves doing it), start doing that.
There’s many more nuanced things that would help quite a lot, too, based on what your dog is saying, but that would be easily 4-5 posts and half a dozen videos. Or come to my workshop; you can sign up to be notified when the next one takes place here.
-Jenna