COVID Concerns: Separation Anxiety

Well, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I lost the next two installments of the Butterscotch story, re-wrote one of them, couldn’t get it online (I don’t remember why) and had a serious case of the “ah, fuck-its.” Then I didn’t want to continue without posting it, so here we are, a year later.

Moving on, or I never will!

How has your COVID year been? Yeah? Mine, too. One of the problems that’s been cropping up for a lot of people, whether or not it’s been an issue before, is separation anxiety.

This really isn’t surprising. Dogs are social animals; given their druthers, they’d like to spend all day with their pack (us), rather than being left home alone. In the wild, they wouldn’t ever be left home alone! So now that they’ve had a taste of what that’s like, many dogs are having a hard time when their humans leave, whether it’s to run errands or go back to work – or their humans are realizing that’s a distinct possibility, even if it hasn’t happened yet.

Regardless of where you are, there are some tips to help.

1. Create a safe space.

If your dog already has separation anxiety, then crate, room, or x-pen train them so they have a safe space to be when you leave. (There are a bunch of posts on crate training elsewhere on this blog. Brief tips: feed them there, hang out with them while they’re in their pen or crate without paying attention to them, give treats and low-energy love when they’re quiet, leave the room for short periods and come back. If they start fussing, stand next to the crate but with your back to them; presence to comfort, cold shoulder so they don’t think of your presence as a reward. You can also tap on the crate to distract, and if a dog puts their paw on a crate or x-pen I push it toward them – in the case of a crate, this just means bumping wherever they put their paw so they take it down – so they learn not to do that. This is important, because if the behavior escalates you run the risk of them tearing their pads or knocking over the x-pen.)

2. Leave the house.

This is the important step no matter where your dog is on the anxiety spectrum, whether they don’t have any and you’re aiming to keep it that way, or whether it’s already established. Ready?

Leave the house.

“But Jenna!” I hear you cry. “It’s COVID! We’re all sheltering in place as much as we can!”

Yes, that’s a Very Good Thing (especially for people like me, with whacked out immune systems – thank you for not putting me and others at risk). That doesn’t mean you can’t go stand in your front yard or on your patio or on the sidewalk outside your apartment building, take some deep breaths of fresh air, do some stretches, smell the roses, and go back inside.

Go ahead. Dooooo iiiiiiiiit. The CDC agrees with me, it’s a good thing to do. I’ll wait.

When you go back inside, don’t greet your dog until they’re relatively calm. I have to say “relatively,” because let’s face it: if you’re anything like me, you don’t have the patience or desire to wait twenty minutes before acknowledging your pup. So “relatively:” not vocalizing or jumping. Four feet on the floor, all wiggles, smiling up at you – go for it! If they start jumping when you say hi, stop again until they calm enough to stop jumping, then go back to it.

This is important because if you greet your dog when they’re amped up, they start associating being amped up with you coming home. Right now that amped up might be excitement, but it’s only the tiniest step from excitement to anxiety for dogs. If they associate “amped up” and “human comes home,” they get amped earlier, as if that will bring you home sooner. An extended period of amped up becomes anxiety, and now they associate anxiety with “human comes home.” This is when separation anxiety REALLY becomes a problem.

So, okay. You left the house. You came back. You greeted your dog when they were quiet and had all four feet on the floor. When you can do that and your dog isn’t panicking when you come home – rule of thumb, when you can greet them within a minute or two of getting home – then you start…

walking around the block!

Or, if you’re me, getting the mail and pulling a few weeds along the sidewalk because heaven forbid you walk around the block. Whatever.

Come home and, same deal. Repeat until it’s easy.

Then – don’t be shocked – run your errands without your dog.

“But Jenna,” I hear you cry. “I can already do that.”

Great! Then keep doing it. Take your time. Go to a park afterward. Be gone for an hour or two.

Here’s the cool thing: if your dog can be home alone for an hour, they can be home alone for eight. Their concept of time isn’t great, so the difference to them between an hour and eight hours? Not much difference. (There are exceptions to every rule, and of course dogs who have separation anxiety already, or dogs who have high energy, get bored, and destroy things are different cases. But this rule applies to about 90% of dogs.)

Now, one area people don’t expect to have a problem is this: it’s not that you’re gone for 8 hours one day. It’s that you’re gone for 8 hours every day.

Buuuut, 1 hour = 8 hours to your dog, so go ahead and leave four days in a row for an hour at a time.

“JENNA.” I hear you cry. “What the hell am I going to do for an hour every day for four days in a row?!”

I’d say go to a coffee shop, but… y’know…

Things I do:

Go to a park and swing. (After sanitizing everything.)

Go to my honey’s house, since he’s in my bubble.

Run errands, because there’s always one I forgot.

Get my oil changed.

Pull weeds.

Clean out my car.

Think about pulling weeds, but play Solitaire instead.

Call clients.

Take my other dog out. (Yes, that’s okay to do.)

Go to a park and ineptly attempt to update my client files, using rocks as paperweights and cursing every time the wind blows them around before finally quitting in a sulk, going to buy fancy pants coffee, and heading him to update my files effectively.

See? Easy.

Next roadblock: Four days? Why four days? Why not five? Well, five is great, but four seems to work just fine. Heaven forbid I put in more effort than I have to. 😉

Finally, if you find you really can’t leave for four days (if, for instance, your couch is in danger of floating off the floor and you have to hold it down), put your dog in their safe space where they can’t see you, and let them just be there for an hour or two. It’s not as good as leaving, but it still teaches them to just chill in there.

Now the final step: remember that when you go back to work, you need to come home and walk your dog. You’ve been spending a lot of time with them, and after being alone they need to get out and get fresh air – just like we need to do while we’ve been home for COVID – and they also need time with their human. A walk is good for that. Snuggles on the couch afterward? Also good. Brushing, play, fun trick training, gazing lovingly into their eyes and telling them how much you love them but if they hide your shoe again you might have them stuffed are all good ways to get that quality time, too.

That’s it!

“Waaaaiiit…” I hear you cry. “That’s it? That’s too easy.”

Yup. It’s really easy to prevent a problem or reverse a minor problem. Less easy to stop and reverse it once it’s a big problem. So start early, and stop worrying about it!